Seven reasons I have chose not to be a Latter Day Saint

I love people of Mormon faith, I enjoy their company and I respect their values, but I do not desire to share their faith.  I have many reasons for not accepting Mormon beliefs and practices as my own.  I share these in hopes an honest and genuine spirit of dialogue may result.  These comments are not aimed to attack or demean followers in the LDS Church in any way, only to distinguish my faith from theirs. And, Mormons are welcome to critique my faith, I might even agree with some of their critiques. I welcome the discussion at any level.  But, for starters, I would like to present seven reasons I cannot embrace the LDS faith.

Seven reasons I am not Mormon:

1)      I belong to a Church that ordains women, Mormons do not.  The Church to which I belong not only ordains women but regards them as total equals.  In fact, my Church elects women to the highest office in the Church.  The LDS Church operates from a strict hierarchy run by a Quorum of Apostles (all male) and a single Prophet (male).  David Howlett observes, “Over the last year, a small but growing movement within the LDS church has emerged to promote women’s ordination.”  Howlett further explains it is unlikely the ordination of women will ever occur.  The established leadership moves glacially toward any change—in other words, change is unlikely in our lifetime. I reject the notion that women do not have equal voice and representation. (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/peculiarpeople/2013/09/why-lds-women-will-not-be-ordained-to-the-priesthood/)

2)      My understanding and faith in the Bible is not feeling based.  Imagine the scene…two young men in white shirts land on your doorstep, at some point in the conversation, they ask you to accept a copy of the Book of Mormon, read it, pray about it, and ask the Lord to “send the Holy Ghost to witness that it is true.”  In their words, wait for the burning in the bosom—a flippy feeling that stirs one’s heart to accept to the book of Mormon as true.  But think about it folks, how often have you had a feeling about something only to later discover that your feelings were misguided?  Feelings are subject to a variety of influences; not all of which are from God.  Personally, I have chosen the Bible, not the book of Mormon, as my primary source of revelation. I know of no conclusive archaeological evidence that refutes any biblical account of history.  Moreover, given the vast amount of substantive information supporting the Bible, I do not have to rely on my own personal feelings to validate its teachings. Conversely, the book of Mormon, has numerous claims about which cannot be historically supported.  I am not saying the book of Mormon does not contain truthful anecdotes– it does. Especially, when you consider large portions of it were lifted directly from the King James Bible! Given its poor track record of support, I am not willing to elevate the book of Mormon to a significant place in my life nor will I give it a place on my bookshelf. The burning in the bosom is only one source of truth-validation and not a very reliable one.  In the end, facts override feelings and on that basis, I have accepted the Bible not the book of Mormon as my primary text for faith.

3)      The Mormon view on Baptism is not supported in the historic Christian faith. Mormons believe three things about baptism that bug me:  1)  Baptisms may be performed by proxy, meaning a living person may be baptized in behalf of a deceased person (http://mormon.org/faq/baptism-for-the-dead)  I disagree, the scriptures teach it is appointed unto a man to die once and then face judgment (Heb. 9:27).  We have one earthly life and we have to make the most of it. 2) Only Mormon baptisms are valid. Not so within the larger Christian tradition.  The Church to which I belong recognizes other baptisms so long as they are performed in a place of worship where orthodox Christian views are held. If one were to convert to Mormonism, his or her baptism from a previous faith tradition is negated.  This smacks of arrogance and elitism.  3) Children must be baptized at the age of 8 years or when they are cognizant of right and wrong.  Assigning a fixed age for baptism amongst children is misguided in my opinion.  The early Christians baptized infants as whole households were baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Christians have always baptized infants and re-baptisms are not encouraged.  While there may be room to debate around the mode of baptism and age, I reject the notion that only Mormon baptisms are valid.  God is bigger than the sacrament itself and I am quite sure people will be in heaven that never made to the Mormon baptismal font!

4)      Jesus’ credentials are stripped away in Mormonism, but not in my thinking. According to Mormon beliefs, Jesus is “literally” the son of God.  Not  many will disagree with that statement, but there is something beneath the surface that needs to be considered.  In Mormonism, Jesus is always submissive to God and at some point was the creation of God.  For example, in the book of Matthew Jesus is described as the son of God and Matthew depicts Jesus in submission to the Father.  Okay, that is fine, I accept that. But, in the Gospel of John Ch.1 verse 1, Jesus is clearly portrayed as both divine and eternal. According to orthodox Christian beliefs, Jesus came in the form of a man but He was clearly God incarnate. He was God from eternity past and will be God forever more. Any attempt to chip away at Jesus’ co-eternal nature with God takes Christianity down the wrong path.  This is one of the major reasons Mormonism does not have the consideration of being on par with other Christian groups.  So, on that basis I cannot accept their doctrine even though they are very sincere and espouse love for Jesus.  Again, I love the attention they give to Jesus, but I reject their essential beliefs about Christ and I cannot in good conscience give Jesus a demotion.

5)      The schismatic nature of the Mormon tradition does not agree with me. Now here is a real irony. Mormons claim the mainstream of Christianity and desperately seek a legitimacy within the orthodox Christian faith, but they vigorously deny the authority of early Christian groups including Roman Catholicism from which every Christian group has emerged.  I simply cannot accept this notion.  It is schismatic and wrong.  I believe the body of Christ is ONE and we are all children of God.  God is not without a witness.  To claim Joseph Smith in the 19^th century stood out as God’s sole witness to an otherwise apostate Church is incredulous. We may historically disagree with the beliefs and practices of the Catholic Church, but we may not deny the existence Christians coming before us in previous generations.  We owe the Catholic Church an apology and a ‘thank you’ for delivering creeds and councils that have guided Christians for centuries. How, on one hand, Mormons assert they are mainstream Christians and then on the other deny the faith of generations before them is completely beyond me.  If someone of Mormon faith can explain this irony, I am all ears.

6)      Endogamous beliefs and behaviors are unhealthy.  Endogamy is when marriage is practiced within a certain ethnic group, social classification or religious belief.  In others words, Mormons marry Mormons. For a Mormon, a non-Temple marriage may jeopardize the eternality of the family unit and therefore it is discouraged. There are some provisions for interfaith marriages, but it is clearly not the ideal path for people of Mormon faith.  The faith tradition to which I belong recognizes marriage as a sacred institution. Sharing essential beliefs are important within the broader Christian context, but I do not believe that a marriage outside of my chosen denomination or faith tradition jeopardizes my spiritual status.  Quite the contrary, sometimes interfaith marriages within the broader Christian tradition can enrich and deepen one’s faith.  Endogamous beliefs are one facet of an overall exclusivity and arrogance that I find within Mormonism (i.e., non-mormons are second-class citizens and cannot be fully trusted within the socio-religious group unless they ascribe to Mormon beliefs and convert).

7)      I tend to reject strict hierarchies and sovereign control.  There is much to be admired in the Mormon Church organizationally.  They are efficient, entrepreneurial and self-supporting; values we may all aspire to.  Nonetheless, the organization as a whole (almost exclusively run by men) is a top down operation. Authority and control are concentrated at the top of the pyramid.  While not all hierarchy is bad, I tend to reject the over-exertion of control exhibited within the LDS Church.  But then, this is one of my complaints against Roman Catholicism.  I believe Christianity is best expressed in a collaborative community where low ranking members have voice.  Top-down control smacks of authoritarianism and any socio-religious organization practicing this model of leadership is prone to be lead astray. I have a shared philosophy of leadership that engenders the contributions and input of people from all levels.  In Mormonism a combination of bureaucratic control and business acumen have created one of the most monetarily successful Church organizations outside of the Catholic Church.  Moreover, only the Mormon President and his assistants have authority to receive official revelation from God.  The God in whom I believe and serve works in the margins. God speaks to the lowly.  I guess you could say I am a grass roots ownership type of person and my understanding of Christianity inclines me to think in terms of a movement and not an institution.

Whatever Mormonism may or not be is the subject of many debates.  I cannot fully judge Latter Day Saints and their spirituality, it is simply not my place to do so. I just know it is not for me and I try to give some of the main reasons why. I strive to give Mormons the benefit of the doubt and seek a via media or sorts.  The seven reasons I give in this essay are drawn from my own personal experience, conviction and study.  It is not my desire to “attack” the LDS Church and its followers. I hope my brutal honesty here does not offend or alienate.  These issues are brought to the forefront of conversation and debate in my community on a regular basis.  The aggressive tactics of LDS missionaries force one to respond in a thoughtful manner.  I am open to dialogue and if I have mischaracterized or maligned the Mormon faith in any way, I am open to correction.

Seven reasons why members of the clergy should resolve to be physically fit and healthy in 2014

1) Fitness gives us perspective. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The world looks different from a trail, a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or a church office. Nature’s playground delivers an unparallel experience. You encounter the creator in ways you would not elsewhere. You also meet people who engage in similar activities. It’s multi-sensory and experiential. When was the last time you came home drenched in sweat or rain soaked from an unexpected downpour? This is the stuff of life and it gives us perspective.

2) Physical fitness and health are a lifestyle choice, not a one-time push. Instead of compartmentalizing fitness into your schedule, consider incorporating healthy choices into your daily routine. Unless you plan ahead and make conscious choices, the fate of the American diet will run its course. For example, an innocent trip to the ballpark can be a disaster. Two hot dogs, a jumbo serving of nachos and a large soft drink can set you back a few bucks and a few hundred calories. The lifestyle approach forces you to plan ahead and make healthy choices in advance. Ballpark concessions are not the master of your diet, you are. Be creative and strategize; old habits are hard to break. Consider a pre-game stop at Subway, it may save more than just money.

3) Health produces health. When you are healthy physically, it will spill over into other areas of your life. Overall physical health has a huge impact on how you think and feel. If you feel good physically, you will likely function at a higher level emotionally and spiritually. The theory of holism applies: The parts of any whole cannot exist and cannot be understood except in their relation to the whole. In other words, life cannot be compartmentalized into segments. How you feel physically positively impacts other areas of your life making it possible to achieve overall health and vitality. It also gives you an opportunity to love God with your whole being.

4) Endorphins are God’s magic. Hard day at the office? Rough board meeting? Hit the pavement for about 30 minutes or get over to the Gym and lift weights. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called Endorphins. Endorphins are like magic because they interact with brain receptors responsible for pain perception. In other words, they make you feel good! In order to get the Endorphins flowing, you have to push your body to a certain threshold and maintain a heart rate of 100 bpm. Check with your Doctor and discuss precautions. Over exerting your body before it is properly conditioned may lead to injury not to mention frustration and fatigue.

5) Exercise reduces depression. Let’s face it, depression is a huge problem among clergy. But there is help; a regular exercise routine reduces stress, anxiety and depression. It also increases personal confidence while boosting self-esteem. Physical strength can make one feel more powerful when facing hardships and foster an overcoming attitude. Most experts agree, the most underused method of treating depression is exercise. In addition, a good heart pounding work out generates more productive sleep which is a major obstacle faced by depressed individuals.

6) Fitness is cheaper than being a frequent flyer. Do you like scheduling appointments and sitting in Doctors’ offices? What about taking costly medications for preventable conditions? The age of the frequent flyer has arrived. “Frequent flyer” is medical slang, and reveals a very serious problem. Frequent flyers routinely reject caretaking measures necessary for long-term health. And, they do so at their own physical and financial peril. You don’t have to be a frequent flyer if you can avoid it, there are steps you can take to prevent it.

7) Little eyes are watching. What message do you want to send to your congregation? How do you really want to live? And what kind of example do you want to set?

How does one get started? (You may wonder…)

Not an easy task. But first things first, don’t be overly ambitious, you will invite an injury. Start slow and ramp up. Consult your Doctor and discuss health as a lifestyle. Hire a personal trainer and develop a program tailored to your physical needs and abilities. Avoid the comparison trap. You alone are responsible for your body and no one else’s. Besides, you can only control your own energy, effort and attitude.

Work extra hard and be accountable to someone. Don’t give up when you experience a set-back, because they will inevitably come. You will be sore and frustrated much of the time, but you will be stronger and healthier if you stay with it. And take my word for it, your life will never be better.

Rev. Dr. Bob Hunter

PM me if I can help you in any way. I am not a physical trainer, but I have been doing this for enough years to know a few of the do’s and don’ts.

What you can learn from a dog about getting along with people you disagree with?

 

Lulu & Sassy

We have two female canines in our home, Lulu and Sassy. They are a very unlikely match, truly an odd couple. Lulu is a goofy Rottweiler and Sassy a sophisticated Akita. When we adopted Lulu, a couple of years ago, I sensed she was not welcome at first. In fact, I had to separate the girls in order to avoid an altercation (there is a reason female dogs are called bitches).  In time, Sassy warmed to the idea of having Lulu around.  She kept a safe distance at first, but finally accepted Lulu.  To date, I have no problems with the girls.  I can’t say they are best friends, but they do get along quite nicely.  Interestingly, neither has changed, they are as different as night and day. And they represent their respective breeds well.  Lulu is loyal, energetic and playful.  Sassy is calm, collect and somewhat aggressive toward other dogs. Both have learned to occupy space and share possessions probably better than most canine odd couples.  We have a dog bed in the corner of the living room that puts their relationship to a test.  Even though it is prime canine real estate, they respect one another’s rights.  There is no growling, snapping or snarling.  And once in a while they will actually bed down together (See the picture).  I put them to an even bigger test when a fresh bones is purchased from the meat shop.  Lulu is usually first to take a hold of it and strip it down.  After she does her part, Sassy takes a turn. In public people marvel at the behavior of these two large female dogs, especially in light of Sassy’s history of being…well her name is “Sassy,” need I say anymore?

The image of two very different canines overcoming differences and living in harmony reminds me of Isaiah’s Kingdom vision found in chapter11:6, “The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them.”

On a human level, Peter Wallace identifies four principles that can help us overcome potential conflict and disagreement with other people.

• Welcome authentically and fully those with whom you disagree.
• Don’t jump down their throats when they say something you don’t agree with.
• Realize that they’ve come to their views as a result of their own history — just as you have.
• Treat them gently.[1]

And if I could add one more, we have to let go of the “everybody-has-to-be-like-me” attitude.  The Church is a full of pure breeds, mixed breeds, and total mutts!  And yes, we have a few pit bulls in our midst.  It is almost impossible to imagine a scenario where we are all going to get along perfectly and agree on everything, yet there are essential areas of agreement.

I just wonder how different our world would be and even the Church if we embraced some of the principles Wallace identified for his readers.  Or if we were to take Jesus at his word and reconcile differences among us before bringing our gift to the altar (Matthew 5:23-25).  I wonder what could happen if we inhabited this new way of thinking?   Living at peace with one another in creative harmony is achievable.  It’s not always easy, and yes it requires work, but it beats the alternative. And if you happen to get lost in the process, recall the image of the dogs!  (This conversation has really gone to the dogs…)

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[1] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-peter-m-wallace/overcoming-conflict-how-t_b_704063.html

 

Soul Hydration: Conversations for new disciples

Soul Hydration is now available as a preview copy.   Click the link below to download the PDF.  If you would like to print this copy you have permission to do so.  However, if you are making multiple copies for use in your ministry, please note the material has copyright.

Click  SHv5 and then click SHv5 again when the page pulls up.

Trouble downloading? e-mail me at:  bob@plungefaith.com and I will zip it to you.

Early Stage Adult Christian Formation in Emerging Northwest culture

Right click on the PDF file below and open a new tab to view:

HunterFinalDissPDF

If you have any questions or would like copies of the curriculum, please see my website that is under construction: http://www.soulhydration.net

Praying for Church leadership in the 21st Century

There is no greater gift you can give a Pastor or spiritual leader than when you pray for them.  When God places this burden on your heart you will be surprised how quickly time flies.  Not to mention the spiritual rewards from having had a great conversation with God.  I would like to offer you some tips in hopes of getting you off to a great start in this endeavor.  I find specific prayers to be most helpful in praying for pastors and leaders.  Prayers for wisdom and blessing are great but sometimes lack a specific application.  The list below is not exhaustive and merely represents a beginning. Before you pray, review the list and allow God to bring specifics to mind as you pray for each individual leader. I want to stress how important it is to give the Holy Spirit permission to take over and lead you into greater depths of prayer.  Don’t be limited by an allotted amount of time or a generated list of needs.  Just be obedient to the promptings of God as you pray for His anointed ones.

Paul gave Timothy the following words:  “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior” -1 Timothy 2:1-3

Pray For:

• Insight into the scripture and understanding of how it applies to the mission of the Church in the 21^st Century.
• Leadership ability to move the Church forward as ONE body in spite of its diverse expressions.
• That he/she would persevere in the face of trials and not be discouraged by criticism.
• Protection from the evil one.  Total deliverance from the spiritual enemy of our soul.
• Boldness to speak the truth in love and live a Holy life in the public eye.
• Protection over his/her family and their emotional well being.
• Renewed health and physical rest from the pressing demands of Church leadership.
• To hear the voice of God in the midst of cultural chaos.
• A clear vision for fresh initiatives to promote scriptural Holiness in a new cultural era.
• Discernment and understanding of the wide range of global issues facing the Church particularly relief efforts in places like Haiti and Chile.
• _____________fill in the blank.

How God cured my lust for contemporary worship bands

My last pastorate cured me of lust for contemporary worship bands.  From the moment I walked in the door the worship department was headache #1.  And a very expensive headache I might add.   The emotional capital invested in placating to worship team members was enormous.   I personally spent a disproportionate amount of time coalescing a team that would truly worship God and attract people to our struggling church.  I’m sad to say it just never materialized.  Or when it did, it was short lived.  My first run in with the worship team occurred 4 months into my pastorate.  The leader informed me she was leaving the Church.  She walked in, distributed a resignation letter, led worship and abruptly left.  Honestly, the worship that day was awful, I mean as bad as it gets… dreadful.   The next run in occurred the following year with a male worship leader who stepped in as a volunteer.  Unfortunately, he and I did not have a shared vision from the start.  But that was just the beginning.  Conflict abounded.  I got complaints from participants who felt the worship leader was harsh, angry and too difficult to work with.   In a matter of months, he threatened to leave.  In a move of desperation, I humbled myself and apologized for anything I might have done to inflame issues between us.  He stayed temporarily, but within six months he and three other families ceremoniously exited.   The next worship leader was a so called ‘professional.’  He had all the chops to make worship at our Church really rock.  It was pretty exciting to have someone on board who possessed the confidence and skill set to fulfill this dream of a having a contemporary worship team.   Unfortunately, our new ‘professional’ worship leader had a very serious moral lapse which eventually led to his departure.   It wasn’t really working anyway.   He was more of a performer than he was a worshipper.  Even though he seemed to have the right vibe, he possessed no real spiritual anointing or power.   His successor was another ‘professional’ type that came to our church from successfully holding a worship position at another local Church.   We were initially thrilled to have him join our team.  Especially, given the fact he had experience in a small Church.  By now, 4 years have elapsed and I’m pretty desperate and lustful about making this work.   We raised an insane amount of money to pay his salary, we bought new sound equipment, and re-configured the stage, etc.  His arrival attracted several competent musicians to the church.  And for a period of time it seemed to work.  Finally, we had great worship.   Or so I thought.  Behind the scenes trouble was brewing.   Two of the female lead vocalists were at war.  I remember one Sunday a war of words ensued between them that I thought was going to get physical….ugh!  There were other problems beneath the surface.  Some people felt the musicians were disconnected from the church, and they were right.  Some of the musicians would show up for worship, play and then leave.  Oh but it gets worse… little did we know, our new worship leader’s marriage was in trouble.  He had an attraction to someone on the team that escalated into a full blown affair.  So there you have it, two worship leaders in a row, both with moral issues that led to their departures.  Ouch!  Needless to say, I was emotionally drained in the wake of these moral failures.  I was so ready to just quit!  I had invested huge amounts of spiritual and emotional capital in the idea of having a “contemporary worship” band that would contribute to the growth of my church.  And in the end it just didn’t materialize like I had hoped.  I think I was worshipping worship without realizing it.  I have since repented, but I do appreciate your sympathy.

In retrospect, I realize that I was trying to produce something that was not meant to be.  Sally Morganthaler, author of Worship Evangelism, writes extensively about the failure of contemporary praise bands to produce real disciples and create authentic worship.  Sally is now a consultant to Churches who are trying to break the seeker performance model and create something more organic.  I think Sally is on to something here.  Here is an article she wrote that is uncomfortable and honest about the state of worship:

http://nancybeach.typepad.com/nancy_beach/files/morgenthaler_article.pdf

This is why I get a little nervous when visit a church and see the worship band fire up songs from Christian hit radio and expect the congregation to sing along.   You know something is up when the worship team is the hippest lookin ministry in the Church with team members sporting T-shirts, gotees, trendy hair dos, and maybe a tattoo.  Not that those things are wrong in themselves, but you get the point.  It troubles me to think worship team members come merely to perform and not connect with fellow sojourners spiritually.  And my heart breaks for church members who want to participate but feel they are not cool enough or talented enough to contribute even a small part.  In the meantime, the band keeps playing, and everyone is listening (God knows it is loud enough).   The truth is, we give worship teams an unprecedented amount of time to perform their music in hopes it will attract a growing number of people to our church.   This is where I’m thinking we need to re-evaluate.  Is this really worship?  I mean really….

What if we tried something different?    What if we ditched the worship band and had people read from the Bible, recite meditations and originally written spiritual poems?  Or how about adding liturgical elements that foster church wide participation and unity?  (I’ll let you in on a secret, not many people sing along with the band anyway!). And suppose we were to incorporate the sacraments in a way that is fresh and communal?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we throw the baby out with the bath water, I’m just wondering if there are not other possibilities.

Look, I’m not playing the role of the victim here.  I firmly believe God used this painful experience in my life to teach me some lessons.  I now attend a church that has a great worship band and credible participants and I do enjoy it.  But honestly, if push came to shove, I’m okay without it.  My lust has been dealt with.  If I have to go back to singing acappella choruses and hymns, I would be just fine with that.  In fact, sometimes I think we could achieve more meaningful worship with a lot less.  In fact, our whole concept of worship needs to be looked at.  The last time I checked, my whole life is an act of worship.   Could it be that worship is everything you think, everything you say, and everything you do?  Just a thought…

Humility: The cure for fundamentalists, emergents and everyone in between

Earl Creps, author of “Off Road Disciplines,” tells a personal story of a familiar voice he once listened to on the radio deep in the South.  The voice was that of a once famous evangelist who found himself largely exiled to radio (he owned the station from which he broadcasted).  Months of broadcasts revealed a common thread:  I am right, everyone is wrong.  The familiar voice and his staff never said it outright but implied it with their nonstop criticism of every form of Christianity even faintly distinct from their own hyper-conservative variety.  The list of enemies included, Rick Warren and countless other prominent Christian leaders.  The familiar voice practiced a brand of apologetics aimed at defending his own narrow interpretation of the gospel against competition from within the Christian community.  The underlying assumption in all of it:  I have the right to tell you what the truth is and what error is, listen to me and you won’t go wrong.  After all, I am the final arbiter of truth.  His calls for exclusive loyalty to the true faith were filled with ominous warnings of coming judgment.

Creps goes on to tell of how this brand of anti-evangelism is hurting the Church and causing great despair.  In fact, he calls these people ‘erasers’ because they erase any progress made to bring people closer to Jesus.  Their prideful voice is so big and boisterous that the Jesus they represent and supposedly defend shrinks to a form too small for anyone to be interested in.  Prideful Erasers…

The remedy to such prideful actions is humility, the art of decreasing self.  Creps defines humility as, “decreasing the scale of my own story until it fits inside the Jesus story, until he defines me rather than my defining him. Until Paul’s words become a reality:  “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”

In a more practical way he defines it as a realization that:  1) I am not the Christ 2)I am not Omniscient 3) I am not Omnipotent 4) I am not Omnipresent.  (Every pastor needs to be reminded of these including me).

More positively, Humility is revealed by my ability to say, “I don’t know,” “I’m sorry,” “I need You.”  Saying these things in the Spirit of John the Baptist decreases my centrality and increases the Jesus within me.  A life representing an attitude of “I know,” “Your wrong,” “You need me” is antithetical to the very gospel that Jesus came to preach.

Finally, the person searching for God needs a Jesus big enough to draw them in.  This can only be accomplished when we decrease our own sense of self to the point that Jesus can more fully become who he is in us.  The discipline of decreasing…oh!

I would even take it a step further, not only does Humility answer the problem of fundamentalism, it is also addresses some attitudes in the emerging Church.  We won’t be naming names here, but I think you know what I’m talking about.  Emergents can come off just as arrogant at times, like they have all the answers to the Churches woes.   They really don’t.  Jesus does.  And only through humility will Jesus ever be big enough in us to accomplish something this world will never forget.

(Earl Creps, “Off-Road Disciplines: Spirtual Adventures of Missional Leaders”  pg. 71-83).

Why the emerging Church needs well differentiated leaders?

Why the emerging Church needs well differentiated leaders?

By Bob Hunter

Murray Bowen MD, was among the first to develop the idea of differentiation.  He defined it this way…

Differentiation is the capacity of a person to manage his or her emotions as well as thinking; their individuality as well as their connections to others. Bowen thought of differentiation as an emotional capacity which could be conceived on a scale of 0 – 100, 100 being an imaginary ideal. Differentiation has also been defined as the measure of one’s emotional maturity. Increasing one’s differentiation is thought to be a lifetime process in which one grows in a capacity to better manage one’s own connection as well as independence from one’s family of origin and other close relationships. A higher level of differentiation would make one less apt to get drawn into other’s emotional issues (being “triangled”) and be less emotionally reactive to close relationships.

Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend wrote a book entitled, “Boundaries:  knowing when to‘ yes’ and when to say ‘ no’”  In many ways their book deals with the concept of self-differentiation only using different terms.  You are you, not anyone else.  You must self define and not allow others to encroach on your personal boundaries.  The Boundaries book sold over 1 million copies.  Why?  Sin has wrecked our ability to self define.  Without redemption we are boundaryless.  Boundaryless Pastors often come unraveled.  They simply cannot hold up under the pressure of ministry.  Facing pressure from all sides, they usually implode leaving a wake of destruction in their path.  Boundaries have also been referred to as ‘Hedges.’  In other words, good fences make good neighbors.  Just think of the implications.  Being able to define yourself makes it possible to gently push back when others encroach on your boundaries.  Or say to a pushy lay person, “No, I’m sorry, but I will not allow you to use the church mailing list to promote network marketing.”  The freedom to say NO is really the power of saying YES.  Quite often a Pastor will get himself into trouble because he is the one who offends; he is the boundary crosser.  The unrealistic expectations of ministry tempt us to compromise our integrity by twisting arms, manipulating and controlling people.  We push them into doing things they would not otherwise do (manipulation) by playing on their emotions and triangulate them into ownership of a problem that is not theirs.   Pastors and Leaders are really no different than anyone else, when we manipulate our people we should repent.

Noted family systems theorist, Edwin Friedman, took the idea of self differentiation to a whole new level.  He was actually mentored by Murray Bowen.  Friedman applied these concepts to the Church and the synagogue.  He says a well-differentiated leader is someone who has clarity about life’s goals, and, therefore, someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious, emotional processes swirling about. Someone who can be separate while still remaining connected, and, therefore, someone who can maintain a modifying, non-anxious, and sometimes challenging presence. These persons can manage their own reactivity to the automatic reactivity of others, and, therefore, they are able to take stands at the risk of displeasing. Self-differentiation is the ability to be in charge of self, even when others in the emotional field are actually trying to make a person be different from how the person really is.

So who is the most differentiated leader who ever lived?  The answer is simple: JESUS!  Jesus had the ability to separate issues in a non-reactive way even when the emotional processes around him were swirling out of control.  Just think about our Lord’s answer to the haunting question, “Are you the King of Jews?” Jesus answered, “I am he.”  Jesus was non-reactive in response to his critics, a characteristic of self differentiation.  Being non-reactive refers to the capacity to become yourself with minimum reactivity to the positions or reactivity of others. It is self-regulation in the face of reactive sabotage which is inevitable. It is the ability to regulate ones instincts rather than let them drive one automatically.  Under conditions of chronic anxiety the capacity for self-regulation is eroded. Anxiety makes the reptilian brain kick in which usually spells disaster, like the time you walked out of a bad meeting and slammed the door.  Something was said that raised your anxiety to an uncomfortable level, perhaps the voice of a critic who sounded a familiar warning.  Instead of engaging the neo cortex of your brain, you regressed into the reptilian part of your brain.  Or the limbic system took over, the survival mechanism of the brain.  For some of us, we are so reactive at times, we need to retrain our brains to think differently.  This can occur in therapy or in a setting like the Genesis change process offers.  Regardless, when we become more self differentiated we become more like Jesus.

If this all sounds like psycho babble to you, I would encourage you to take a closer look.  Strip away all the language and theory and what you have is mature Christlikeness.  Peter Scazerro says, “It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” Christians should be the most self differentiated people on the planet because we follow the most self differentiated leader who ever lived.  In addition to that, Jesus promises to make us like Him, it’s a process.  Even better, Jesus defines me; I am self differentiated because of His grace and purpose for my life.

When I am self differentiated I am able to bring calmness to any situation and reduce the anxiety around me.  Let’s take President Obama for example.  During the election he came across to the voters as a candidate who is cool under pressure.  You might remember the anxiety the voters felt.  The economy was tanking, people were losing  jobs,  homes and livlihoods were on the line.  Somehow in the midst of the anxiety swirling about, Obama came off as calm, cool and collected; not to mention self controlled.  While McCain, on the other hand, seemed erratic at times and reactive.  Remember when McCain suspended his campaign to go back to Washington and fix things?  His intentions were good, but he came across as desperate.  Obama, on the other hand, approached the tanking economy in a non-anxious manner.   People felt comfortable with Obama, he gave the impression of control (even though control over the economy is an illusion).   Obama also exhibited leadership when his V.P. candidate, Joe Biden, stuck his foot in his mouth.  He wisely separated himself from Biden and in a joking way and dispelled people’s anxieties about Joe.  (Behind the scenes, rumor has it he told Biden,  say something like that again and I’m going to put my foot up your Butt)   Also did you notice Obama’s tone in the debates with McCain?  In the first debate, McCain was snarky and defensive at times. The tone of his voice was louder than Obama’s which made people feel as though McCain was lecturing Obama and indirectly the voters.  Obama came across as calm and collect, he smiled and presented his thoughts in a matter of fact way.  Many people felt McCain had better command of the issues, but Obama won the debate in the minds of the voters.  Why?  Obama is the more self differentiated leader.  (I’m not endorsing either one by the way, just making amateur observations).

What does self differentiated leadership look like?  The following figure helps describe it, if you can’t see it here then go to the FB group and check photos.  (From Edwin H. Friedman’s “A failure of Nerve:  Leadership in the age of the quick fix.”).

Friedman’s basic concept of self differentiated leadership is this:  “If a leader will take primary responsibility for his or her own position as “head” and work to define his or her own goals and self, while staying in touch with the rest of the organism, there is more than reasonable change that the body will follow.  There may be initial resistance but, if the leader can stay in touch with the resisters, the body will usually go along.” (pg. 229 “From Generation to Generation” by Edwin Friedman.)

One of the biggest threats to self differentiation is the emotional triangle.  Emotional triangles form when self differentiation breaks down in a relationship between two mutual parties.  Consequently, they end up drawing in a third party, issue or object.  Triangulation is so common in our Churches it is not even funny!  Many pastors are triangulated into stuff without even realizing it!  No wonder they are so frustrated and depressed!  Here is a situation I faced as a Pastor.  The administrative assistant was chronically late to work.  As the lead Pastor, I was always very understanding and flexible but this put me to the test.  She would often lament that her husband was being a turd and made her do a bunch of stuff for him first, therefore, she was late to work.  I found myself starting to get mad at the husband, in fact, I felt compelled to have a talk with him.  I can promise you it would not have went well.  But the truth is, she was triangulating me into the marriage situation, a place I had no business.  Her lack of self differentiation set up a triangle.  I refused to be triangled in, and just held her accountable for her actions.  The reality is, her husband was kind of lazy and needed to do more for himself but it was not my job to scold him.  Her inability to say NO to him was not my responsibility, but hers.  I, therefore, made her responsible for the work she agreed to do.  Sadly, after repeated warnings, I informed church leadership that she was no longer performing her duties and responsibilities.  We put her on probation and before long she quit.  Her lack of boundaries and poor self differentiation created stress and anxiety not only in the home, but in the Church office.  My refusal to enter into the triangle forced her to take responsibility and ownership for her actions.  It was not pleasant, but necessary.  Instead of letting her draw me into the issues, I rejected the triangle.  (There have been times when I have failed to reject the triangle, I’m not perfect!)

So what do you do when you get triangled in?  De-triangulate!  The Holy Spirit is faithful to remind us when we get triangled into someone’s issues.  Or when we are the one doing the triangling. There is a fine line between truly helping and enabling.  The wisdom of Spirit is needed to discern where we leave off and another person’s responsibilities pick up.  However, once you are in, you are stuck until you get yourself unstuck.  Suppose I had got myself into the triangle with the Secretary.  Imagine the conversation with the husband….John, could you please be less demanding of your wife so that she could make it to work on time and do stuff for the Church.  John’s response would then be one of defensiveness.  Now my relationship with John is strained and potentially with his wife too.  The correct way to handle it is to stay out of it from the beginning.  Or immediately repent of getting involved and not displace blame to another.  The ultimate act of self differentiation is taking full responsibility!

If a pastor is not self differentiated and secure enough inwardly to stay out of triangles, the whole Church will go the way of triangulation and dysfunction leaving people to wonder if we are even Christians.  The process of becoming more and more differentiated takes a lifetime.  It does NOT happen overnight.  A good measure of accountability and support from among your peers is a huge step forward in the process.

The concept of differentiation is further developed and applied by Peter Steinke who wrote a trilogy of books on congregational dynamics.  His books are available through the Alban Institute.  His latest, “Being calm and courageous no matter what.” In it, he deals with this whole idea of self differentiation and leading a congregation.

So why is self differentiation so important?  If Phyliss Tickle is right, and I believe she is, we are living through a time of great upheaval.  In her book, The Great Emergence, she claims every 500 hundred years the Church experiences a major reformation.  She doesn’t claim to know where the great emergence is going to take us, but then any such claim would be arrogant. I don’t think any of us really know where we are going.  But make no mistake, the anxiety burden is very high in the Church right now.  As more Churches close and the brick and mortar establishment further crumbles, I think we are going to see an even greater need for self differentiated leadership.  God is doing a new thing, and I think we need leaders who can separate issues and remain calm in the midst of great turmoil.

Some questions to ponder:

How well differentiated are you?  Who will hold you accountable when you are poorly differentiated? Do you have a base of support, people who can pray with you as you seek to be more differentiated and ultimately more like Christ?